i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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