you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
