The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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