Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
