Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize