i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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