At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
