I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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