i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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