On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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