Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
