This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
