"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
