Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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