she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
