I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
