she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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