I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
