I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
