Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
