I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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