Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
These tits shall not be calmed
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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