Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
