I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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