I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
