I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
