Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
