Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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