I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
