im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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