There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
