I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize