No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
