dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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