alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
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By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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