Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
