Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
