I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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