Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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