The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
