TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
