I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
