So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
