Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
