If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
