if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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