I just cut my nipple shaving
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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