In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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