Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
