I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
