im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
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So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
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I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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