just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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