That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
