Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
