how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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