im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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