I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
