Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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