just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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