I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
