are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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