as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
