Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
