She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
